You must have heard the term gaslighting a lot around you. When we talk, we often say, “That’s gaslighting! It’s gaslighting!” But what exactly does gaslighting mean? In today’s post, what is the exact meaning of gaslighting, what is the origin of gaslighting, the steps of gaslighting, examples of gaslighting, and how to deal with gaslighting.
– Table of Contents: Gaslighting Meaning and Countermeasures –
1. meaning
2. Origin
3. Gaslighting Aspects
4. Examples
5. Countermeasures
1. Meaning of gaslighting
gas light
The gaslighting effect is also called the gaslight effect. To put it simply, gaslighting refers to the act of controlling the other person by using their mind.
The reason this kind of gaslighting is scary is that neither the person who has been gaslighted nor the person who has been gaslighted does not know that it is gaslighting.
Therefore, you need to know exactly the meaning of gaslighting to know whether you are unconsciously gaslighting by someone, or whether you are being gaslighted without knowing it.
2. Origin of gaslighting
The word gaslighting comes from the 1938 play gaslight.
In the play Gas and more, husband Jack and his wife Bella appear. Bella is a woman who inherited her inheritance, and Jack took it and married Bella. Every night Jack searches her house without Bella’s secret while pretending to go out of her way to find her inheritance that her wife has received. In the old days, the lights were lit with gas, but if you turn on several lights, the overall light seems to have weakened. As Jack pretends to go out, turns on the lights in the attic and searches for an estate, the lights in the house dim every night that Jack lies.
Her wife Bella tells her husband Jack that her lights seem to be getting darker and she hears footsteps. “You’re too sensitive, you’re hallucinating,” says Jack, driving Bella to her weirdo. Because Bella believes and loves her husband, she believes what her husband says, and makes her doubt what she sees and hears. 가스라이팅 뜻
The play ends with a third person appearing and helping her Bella uncover Jack’s identity. 좋은뉴스
After this play, trying to use your close relationship with the other person to make you doubt yourself and make you depend on yourself is called gaslighting.
3. Gaslighting Aspects
gaslighting marionette
Perpetrators of gaslighting to victims
Constant emotional abuse, saying, “Your thinking is wrong, your judgment is very low,” makes the victim believe the sophistry and incitement of the perpetrator.
Methods of emotional abuse
Even a small mistake is inflated and threatened and embarrassed
When the victim makes a choice, criticize, denigrate, and criticize it without respecting the choice
Isolating people saying they don’t think so
Devaluation of good work kills the spirit
Unequal power relations as if dealing with subordinates without decision-making power
Even after emotional abuse, “it’s all for you” sophistry (even believing it’s really for that person) (if you feel that you’ve been emotionally abused, it’s never for the other person. If you’re really for the other person, you shouldn’t hurt them. )
The victim’s choices and words are all wrong, and he insists that only his own choices are correct.
etc.
The gaslighting steps are as follows:
Step 1 Relationship Formation: Victim and perpetrator form a close relationship. Family members, lovers, co-workers, friends, and teachers who form close relationships can all be victims and perpetrators of gaslighting.
Stage 2 Memory Distortion: The perpetrator does not miss the small mistake of the victim and points it out in a big way. By repeating this process, the victim loses confidence in him/herself, kills his spirit, and doubts himself.
Step 3: Ignore: The perpetrator perceives the victim as a sensitive person and a vicious person. When a victim raises a problem, it demeans the other party with nuances such as “What are you doing like that? Why are you so unusual? Don’t do it like it’s not a big deal.
4. Examples of gaslighting
While being nice to someone close to you, at the same time criticizing them with your own standards, ‘I’m giving you all my advice’
To the person being bullied, “You must be bullied because you did something wrong.”
Repeatedly accusing or punishing harshly for a small mistake and making a small mistake tremble
If you live in a group, the act of making other people on your side, creating public opinion, and turning a normal person into a strange person.
The act of making you depend on yourself by giving advice on every little thing and saying that everything is for you
Acts like saying that the other person does not know well, treating the other person’s choices or thoughts as ‘a child who doesn’t know’ based on his or her rich experience, and making the other person doubt and trust him/herself
It is difficult to say that such an example is unconditional gaslighting with just one act, but if these things are repeated and continued, it will destroy the other person’s psychology and lose independence, leading to gaslighting.
5. How to deal with gaslighting
(1) Get out of the relationship.
If you’re being gaslighted, it’s hard to cut it off on your own because the perpetrator is a close person. In particular, since most of the perpetrators are unaware that they are gaslighting, it is better to get out of the relationship and protect and protect yourself rather than trying to improve and fix the relationship. If you can, getting out of a relationship may be the easiest way to protect yourself from emotional abuse.
(2) Ask a third party for help
It is not easy to cut it off on your own at once because the mind is sufficiently unstable and weakened from the position of being gaslighted. If you have an objective point of view, explain your intention to a wise third party and ask for advice, you can clearly see what is happening from the third person’s point of view.
(3) Trust only objective information
When a gaslighter tries to persuade themselves with nonsense or sophistry, practice judging the situation based on clear and objective facts rather than being swayed by it.
(4) avoidance
The relationship between the person who is gaslighting and the person being gaslighted is already broken, so it is difficult to talk on an equal footing. The gaslighter is talking with the other party taking the initiative, so normal conversation is impossible. In this case, you respond to the conversation of the gaslighter, and the conversation continues with the desired outcome of the gaslighter. No matter what the gaslighter says, avoid or ignore the situation and topic of conversation. If you are in a situation where you have to give an answer, just convey your clear opinion and end it.
Above, I have given you the meaning of gaslighting, examples of gaslighting, aspects of gaslighting, stages of gaslighting, and how to cope with gaslighting. If you need more or have any questions, please comment.
I am attaching some helpful articles to overcome the anxious and weary mind with gaslighting.